Hard Part of the Start

I’m struggling to be patient with the creative process. After taking some time to contemplate it, I realize I’ve never experienced anything like this. I typically rely on sheer enthusiasm peppered with curiosity to carry me through these situations. However, in the past, those transitions were short-term and resolved just as I began to feel the pull of resistance.

But those days are long gone and these are different circumstances.

I’m staring at my latest project. I’m fighting such the inquisitive demon. It asks, “are you sure?” and “what if?” - After false starts, various iterations and missteps, it gnaws on my focus. Eventually, I start asking myself the similar questions.

The days move fast, but the progress is slow. I feel I should be further along in my journey. Success is just off in the horizon. It sinks slowly in the distance, and yet it seems I can just reach out and touch it. I take a deep breathe, close my eyes and try to hold on to the vision. My thoughts flash behind my eyes. I fall into a daydream about how wonderful life will be after I cross this challenge off my ‘to do’ list; tomorrow will be different.

I remember the various mantras and inspirational quotes that I’ve collected. I tape each one around my battle station. Progress is slow, but it’s still progress.

Mantras become my talismans.

Slowly, I begin to realize whenever I start a new path or move out of my comfort zone, I move into a never-ending state of starting. I have to get up and choose to start the process again…choose to fight another demon tomorrow. But I try not to think about tomorrow.

I have to focus on today.

I look for solace in the process…of writing a blog post, iterating on an idea, connecting with others on similar journeys…working through the process, completing the tasks..one day at a time.


About the author.

Cynthia L. Wright is a frontend developer, writer, and stick-figure artist. When she's not writing or coding, she enjoys traveling, video games, reading, and learning how to draw things.


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